Worse than terrorism: 680,000 Americans dead -- all killed by other Americans

Why are Americans so obsessively fixated with being afraid of a bunch of disorganized and poorly-armed terrorists living way off on the other side of the world when we have perfectly good reasons (based on historical fact) to be far more afraid of our fellow Americans?

According to everything that we all learned back in eighth grade history class, during the U.S. Civil War approximately 680,000 Americans were slaughtered in cold blood by their own fellow countrymen -- and in some cases by their own neighbors, relatives and (former) friends. More Americans were killed between 1860 and 1864 than the combined number of those killed in every other war ever fought by our country -- from the original Revolutionary War through Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan. That's a hecka lot of dead Americans. And to achieve this horrifically amazing accomplishment, we didn't even need any help from no stinking terrorists. We killed all of these fellow Americans all by ourselves.

Remember all those stories we used to hear about our legendary Civil War? Slaughter on the battlefield. Gettysburg. Bull Run. Antietam. At Antietam alone, we had 22,719 casualties and 3,654 dead -- in only one day, by only 5 o'clock in the afternoon. My great-great grandfather was General Joseph Hooker, in charge of the Union Army at Antietam -- and therefore I have American-slaying genes in my blood. And you probably do too. In fact, most of us Americans have great-grand-fathers who committed enough horrors and atrocities upon their own fellow countrymen that they would probably have impressed even the notorious Khmer Rouge! So. Whenever the wingnut Right starts brewing up hatred and calling for violence again, I think that we should all be aware of just how ugly things can really get.

According to a 2008 Washington Post review of a book entitled "This Republic of Suffering: Death and the American Civil War," butchery had become America's pastime of choice back in the day. However, no one knew what to do with the leftover bodies. "[T]he unprecedented carnage of this first modern war overwhelmed society's traditional ways of dealing with death. The customs, religion, rhetoric, logistics -- even statistical methods -- of mid-19th century America were unequal to slaughter on such a scale." 620,000 soldiers and 50,000 civilians died violently. So many people died that no one had any idea how to bury all those thousands of bodies. Often they just laid there and rotted where they fell. Even dogs ate some of them. Yuck.

And if grisly descriptions of the American Civil War slaughter doesn't give you enough creepy feelings about what would very likely happen here at home if birthers, tea-baggers and other violent haters get their way, then try to read Tracy Kidder's new book, "Strength in What Remains". It's the story of what one survivor of the Rwanda civil war massacre witnessed as he watched his neighbors slaughter other neighbors with machetes, clubs and even their bare hands -- while being passionately spurred on to new heights of violence and hatred by their local talk-radio show hosts.

John Harvey: Why America will NEVER become socialist

When I was in Pittsburgh for the Netroots Nation convention recently, I saw and heard many wondrous things. I got my photo taken with Don Siegelman, Howard Dean and Meteor Blades. I watched a sneak preview of "We Live in Public". I found out all about the current healthcare reform debate and why the American people are gonna be sucker-punched if they don't go for the public option. I took 40 pages worth of notes! The whole conference was enlightening on about 50 different levels, a total success. But, for me, the most amazing part of my experience in Pittsburgh was meeting my old friend John Harvey for lunch.

John is a Ph.D candidate in philosophy at Duquesne University, teaches ethics at one of the local colleges -- and never thinks the same way that the rest of us think.

While we chatted over soup at Hemingway's Bar and Grill near the University of Pittsburgh's gloriously antique skyscraper tower and the original Carnegie library, John explained carefully to me why he was secretly in love with Ann Coulter. "She is one of the few writers I know of who can use the word 'whom' correctly." And then he launched into a half-hour diatribe, trying to explain to me when and how to correctly use "whom" in a sentence.

"But John," I replied, "is that enough of a saving grace to condone all of Coulter's drama and lying?" Probably not.

Next, over a roast beef sandwich and a martini, John told me something else that was truly amazing. "'Socialism' is a word that describes the transfer of power from out of the hands of large corporations and the wealthy and into the hands of the working class. Almost all of the world's nation-states today are simply physical embodiments of the power of the truly wealthy and of the corporations they own. Therefore, every extension of the power of most modern states is basically an extension of the power of its wealthiest corporations. Therefore, the nationalization of industries in these states can NEVER produce socialism -- because the nationalized industries still don't benefit the working classes but continue to only benefit the wealthy." That's totally deep!

"So when people on talk-show radio refer to the nationalization of American industries -- such as the healthcare insurance industry -- as being an act of socialism, they simply don't know what they are talking about." So. Does this mean that true socialism can only happen regarding healthcare via a transfer of power from the health insurance companies to the healthcare workers themselves -- such as doctors, nurses and perhaps even to patients? Works for me.

"Take the banks for instance. Giving banks a bunch of government money isn't socialism. That would only be socialism if the money was given to raise the wages of the bank tellers -- and you know that isn't ever going to happen." Not with the Republicans in charge -- and apparently not with the Democrats in charge either.

"The ruling class," John continued, "also decides where capital is going to go. In America, it has been decided that our capital is going to go toward waging war -- and not to healthcare, which would be of benefit to the working class. And this theory also explains why America will always have a deficit. Our deficit will never go away because our ruling class lives off the interest from the deficit. They LOVE the deficit. They appear to be wringing their hands about having a deficit -- but the real reason that we have a deficit is to keep the ruling classes wealthy."

After my lunch with John, he showed me around the Pittsburgh working-class neighborhood where he lives and told me that he only paid $550 a month rent for a two-story townhouse. Then we went out to dinner with his friend Jackson, a bit of a loose cannon but a totally entertaining one. "Those G-20 protesters had better not mess up our city," said Jackson. "Pittsburgh has always had protesters here. The Whiskey Rebellion of 1794 happened here. We've had the Press Car strike and the U.S. Steel strike. Pittsburghers know how to protest right. And we don't want your piddling little outside protesters to come here and mess up our city." Jackson was born in Pittsburgh, cheered for the Steelers and thought that only true Pittsburghers have mastered the correct protesting techniques -- which apparently involves not doing any damage to downtown stores or interrupting the bus lines.

"Protesters are already pouring into Pittsburgh. 7,000 of them are already here and we're expecting 30,000 more. And they'd better not break any windows."

Apparently the federal government has promised Pittsburgh a large amount of money to help pay for the extra expenses of hosting the G-20, but the funds have yet to show up. "And have you tried our Yuengling Beer? It's the oldest independently-owned brewery in America, yinz." Yinz? What is a yinz?

"Yinz is the plural of the second-person pronoun," said John. Does Ann Coulter know about this?

Then the waitress at Grant's, a local working-class hangout around the corner from John's townhouse, brought us some peach pie and we talked about Papal indulgences, circumcision, the various attempted murders that each of us had witnessed in our lives, Jackson's desire to take a raft from the Monongahela River to New Orleans, and the benefits of chocolate. John also threw in a quick lecture about alien abduction. "People weren't abducted by aliens from outer space. They were snatched by our own descendants who came back here in time machines in order to harvest our DNA because theirs has run out." Who would have thought!

"John, can I put all this on my blog?"

"Sure, why not. I'm a fame whore." Me too!

PS: Here is John's infamous description of when to use the word "whom". Ann Coulter, eat your heart out.

"Jane, the word 'whom' is generally used in a subordinate clause, as the object of a verb or preposition." Huh? "But I haven't even given you the major rule. 'Who' and 'whom' are relative pronouns. They relate to their antecedents. The relative pronoun gets its case from the clause in which it appears -- the state of the pronoun that shows its relation to the other things in the sentence. The case of 'who' is nominative -- which shows that it is a subject. 'Whom' is the accusative. 'Who' is doing the action and 'whom' is being acted upon."

But apparently I still looked rather dubious and confused.

"Jane, I just gave you the most clear explanation of the use of 'whom' ever given in the 21st century. You don't understand that? What's your problem?"

Two conventions in Pittsburgh: Netroots Nation and the G-20

I'm in Pittsburgh right now -- the city that used to be called "Hell with the lid off," but is now the East-Coast version of Silicon Valley. "What the freak are you doing in Pittsburgh?" you might well ask. They just had a Netroots Nation convention here and I attended it. I'm not sure exactly what I had expected this convention to be like, but I never expected it to be so much fun -- or that I would have so many stories to tell when I finally get back home. But right now, as I sit here in some cheesy motel room out in Robinson Township, I'm thinking more and more about the upcoming G-20 convention than about Netroots Nation. Did you know that the next G-20 convention is gonna meet right here in Pittsburgh in September -- and in the very same building where the Netroots Nation convention was recently held.

What a contrast.

President Obama will be staying at a ritzy resort hotel in the countryside and be flown to the convention center by helicopter. And here's me -- at my fleabag motel and commuting from strip-mall country on the 28X bus. But I can deal with that. Even here in my shabby motel room with the rip in the ceiling, I still have electricity, running water and cable TV. So I'm still way better off than approximately nine-tenths of the rest of the world.

In September, the heads of twenty of the most influential countries in the world will be sitting in the very same chairs that I just sat in. But will they be having as much fun?

And as everyone was leaving the Netroots Nation convention, we were all fired up to go out there and make the world a better place. Will the G-20 attendees also be fired up to make the world a better place too?

We don't have much time left to sidestep the grim riders of the environmental Apocalypse that are currently targeting the entire human race. The clock is ticking. I'm vowing to do my part to help save humanity from extinction in the next 50 years -- or do we only have 20 years left? And will the G-20 conventioneers also be willing to do their part too? Or will it just be business as usual for them here in Pittsburgh? Will they once again fiddle while our planet burns?

I'm gonna try to be optimistic and hope that the G-20 reps will all do the Right Thing here in September, and that some of our Netroots Nation magic will still be left here in Pittsburgh to rub off on the G-20 next month -- so that these twenty highly-influential heads of state will at last decide to get off their butts, see the light and help us clean up the very mess that they themselves have created. Before it's too late.

Tourism is alive and well in North Korea!

Apparently North Korea, while not exactly having been the media darling of the U.S. press lately, is still encouraging tourism this year. I just got an e-mail from my friend Hwa-Young saying that she is ofering several tours this September. Hwa-Young was the tour guide for the group that I went to the DPRK with last year and it was an amazing trip! I recommend it highly. If you liked the opening ceremonies to the Beijing Olympics, you will LOVE the Pyongyang Mass Games! Here's the itinerary:

NORTH KOREA, THE RAREST and MOST EXTRAORDINARY OF CULTURAL TOURS, WELCOMES U.S. TOURISTS DURING THE WORLD-FAMOUS MASS GAMES!

Tourist testimonies repeatedly rate North Korea as one of the must-see highlights of world travel. It is the optimal cultural tour. The Tour includes 2 nights/3 days in Beijing and 4 nights/5 days in DPRK.

The schedule is as follows:

1st day (Sundays): Transportation from the Beijing airport to a 4 star hotel is provided.

2nd day (Mondays): Tour of Beijing, China– Great Wall, Tiananmen Square and He Yuan [Imperial Palace]

3rd day(Tuesdays): JS152 Flight Beijing - Pyongyang 11:30 departure, 14:25 arrival. Visit Arch of Triumph en-route to Mt. Myohyang – hike in the mountain. Stay overnight at Hyangsan International Hotel (4 star) at the mountain.

4th day (Wednesdays): Visit International Friendship Exhibition Hall, Byohyon Temple. Travel to Pyongyang to visit the Tower of Juche Idea, stone tower with lookout platform at the top and great views of the city, War Museum, ride the Pyongyang Metro with the locals, Mangyongdae School Children’s Palace–see performance by the children. Shopping at Stores. Stay overnight at the Yanggakdo International Hotel (4 star). [they gots a golf course, a bowling alley and a casino!]

5th day (Thursdays): Grand Monument on Mansu Hill, Pyongyang Maternity Hospital, Kim Chaek Technical University, West Sea Barrage, stay overnight at the Ryonggang Hotel (with natural hot spring spa).

6th day (Fridays): Visit Kaesong, DMZ, Koryo Museum, Tomb of King Wang Gwon, Pueblo, Arirang Mass Games. Stay overnight Yanggakdo International Hotel.

7th day (Saturdays): JS151 flight Pyongyang-Beijing -- 08:55 departure 09:40 arrival.

Tour Dates: deadline for application:

Aug 30 to Sept. 05, 2009 - August 15, 2009
Sept 06 to 12, 2009 - August 20, 2009
Sept 13 to 19, 2009 - August 31, 2009
Sept 20 to 26, 2009 - August 31, 2009
Sept 27 to Oct 3, 2009 - August 31, 2009

TOUR COST: $1,980 for 6 nights/ 7 days.

TOUR FEE INCLUDES: Hotel (double occupancy), all meals, tour, entry fees, airport fee, ground transportation, two English speaking guides and a driver.
NOT INCLUDED IN THE TOUR FEE:

US/Beijing roundtrip airfare and Beijing/Pyongyang roundtrip airfare ($435). Also, a single room supplement fee of $60 extra, per night, DPRK visa fee of $120, a tip for the guides, and entry ticket for Mass Games- 3rd class seat: $140, 2nd class: $180, 1st class: $250, special class seat: $500

■ Extra days on the China tour can be arranged individually.

What are the Mass Games? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9ZrP40wdlg
Over 100,000 performers, ranging from kindergartners to professional artists taking part in a gymnastic and artistic spectacle. Theme this year: Self determination, Peace and Friendship. This is a rare opportunity for a truly extraordinary experience.

If you are interested, e-mail your name, sex, passport number, occupation and position, your home address, phone number to hwayounglee43@yahoo.com for DPRK visa process by above deadline dates.
If you have any questions please contact: Hwa-young (Michelle) Lee

A captured US soldier in Afghanistan, Bill Clinton in Pittsburgh & a quinceanera in Berkeley

I'm planning to attend the Netroots Nation convention in Pittsburgh next week, and I just heard that Bill Clinton will be there too. Perhaps I'll get a chance to ask him if he can go to Afghanistan and bring back captured U.S. soldier Bowe R. Bergdahl the same way that he brought home those two journalists captured in North Korea. Pfc. Bergdahl seems to have been pretty much forgotten by Fox News lately -- but not by me. I refuse to support any of the various stupid and unnecessary Middle East "wars" that Washington is still pretending that they can afford to keep going. But I can and do stand behind and support our soldiers.

And perhaps Barack Obama will speak at Netroots Nation too. And perhaps I'll get a chance to ask HIM about when he plans to bring home all those captive American workers and taxpayers currently being held prisoner by Wall Street and Goldman-Sachs. Or perhaps I can ask Obama what his plans are regarding the release of millions of sick people currently being held for ransom by corporate healthcare insurance companies. For those Americans who are forced to pay out large amounts of money each month for healthcare insurance -- and for those who have NO health insurance, it seems like a handful of major health insurance giants have just sent American taxpayers a ransom note informing us that if we don't meet their trillion-dollar-plus demands by the end of September, we may never see our ailing loved ones alive again.

That's enough political talk for today. Now let's just relax and look at some really nice photos I took at a neighborhood quinceanera on Saturday. A quinceanera is basically a rite of passage that Mexican girls go through on their way to becoming young women. And a quinceanera is not only a really good idea for honoring young women but it is also a good reason for having a party -- and a food-fight. And guess who got thrown out of the local senior citizen center where the quinceanera was held because of throwing cake at the party? Yes, it was me. How humiliating is that?

I guess that they had better not allow me near any cake in Pittsburgh.

PS: My son Joe's band is playing in San Francisco's Mission District on August 16, at the legendary Indie-Mart street fair. And I'm his mom -- so of course I have to plug his band. But it really is a very good band, honest. "Its name is 123picnic and it's a punk-rock band," I recently explained to a friend.

"No, Ma," said my son, "it's a post-punk ART rock band." And so it is. Joe is awesome! He's the one playing the bass and singing backup vocals. And, unlike his mom, Joe CAN carry a tune -- and he does Tuvan throat singing as well. Here's the link to 123picnic's FaceBook page if you want more information on the gig: http://www.facebook.com/pages/123picnic/35657773779.

PPS: And while you are over in the Mission visiting the street fair and listening to Joe, stop by Rosy's restaurant at 2341 Folsom Street either before or after the fair. I just took baby Mena there for lunch and she loved the chicken soup, hand-made tortillas and beans. The food there was okay, but what I myself really liked about Rosy's is that it was nearly empty and Mena not only had the run of the place but the owner's middle-school-aged son Heraldo kept her totally entertained while we ate. If you are looking for a family-friendly restaurant in the Mission, Rosy's is it.

PPPS: If you think that I've been pimping out my blog with too many commercials lately, you obviously haven't been reading any newspapers or watching any TV for the last fifty years. Our American media will pimp out ANYTHING -- even all those unnecessary wars on Iraq, Iran, Palestine and Afghanistan!

Big Brother & Aunt Evelyn: Reno or bust, Part 3

(Photos are of one of the Donner Party cannibals, me at the slots, Big Brother houseguests acting like politicians, our car breaking down, Ashley standing under a "Donnor Summit" sign and baby Mena -- she didn't go on the trip but you always want to see a photo of baby Mena, right?)

I've been in Reno for 24 hours now and have pretty much broken even on playing the slots. I made an initial investment of $10, won $10, and then lost $10 over the course of an hour -- so I figure I got an hour's worth of entertainment out of the deal as well as some genuine physical exercise from pulling the lever down a few hundred times. The Ramada Inn casino got my money. I got to have fun. It was a win-win situation.

Then it was time to go out to lunch with my 95-year-old aunt, the real purpose of our trip to Reno. And she looked just like she had back in 1973. I should look that good at age 95! 95 is the new 50? Yeah.

First me and Aunt Evelyn talked about my childhood. Perhaps she might be able to remember stuff about it that I had been too young to understand. "What was I like as a child?" I asked her.

Aunt Evelyn thought for a long moment and then said, "Messy." Not the answer I had been hoping for.

Then we re-lived my beloved father's probate trial in all its juicy details. My evil sister had been NOWHERE to be seen during that last horrible year of Pop's life as he valiantly struggled to avoid showing my daughter Ashley and me what terrible pain he was in and began rapidly shrinking before our very eyes. However. My sister was right there when it came time to read Pop's will. Within a week of my father's death, my sister had refused to allow the cemetery to bury him unless we bought her off -- and had sued us for probate. Plus her husband was a lawyer. Free legal work.

That was then and this is now, however. I've learned a few things about the law since that time. First and foremost, I've learned about Nolo Press's wonderful self-help law books and how to represent myself in court. Had I but known about Nolo back then, it would have made a really big difference. Instead of cowering and being wishy-washy in the face of my sister's frontal attack, I would have made the following speech to the judge:

"Your Honor, my sister is (allegedly) a greedy cow who is trying to go against my father's known wishes and (allegedly) steal all his money -- what little there is left of it after all his healthcare expenses. But I plan to fight her to the bitter end 'in propria persona' -- all by myself. I plan to ask for a jury trial. I plan to have her and her husband be forced to drive up to Oakland from Los Gatos once a week for a decade. I plan to drag our family's dirty laundry through court for as long as it takes. I plan for this legal battle to go on for YEARS. So. Your Honor. Does anyone want to settle this case right now? Or does my sister's husband want to give up his law practice and devote 24/7 to this case for the rest of his LIFE?" And then my bully of a sister would have been stood up to and would have had to back down. Humph. And Pop would have been proud of me. He (allegedly) always liked me better.

Representing oneself in court has distinct advantages. While the opposition has to pay for legal defenses or lawyers that represent themselves have to burn the midnight oil, someone representing themselves as "pro per" does not. Going "pro per" even helped me settle my recent lawsuit against the Department of Defense. And lawyers HATE it when you go "pro per".

After lunch with Aunt Evelyn, I talked with some of the other residents of her senior living facility, and when one of the residents found out that I was from Berkeley, he said, "I'm a Bush supporter. I'm telling you that right now." Well, guess what. Unless you are a retired defense contractor and/or never had to depend on banks or Wall Street for help grow your retirement nest-egg, you backed the wrong horse.

"It was wonderful to see you again," I told Aunt Evelyn, "but it's Sunday and we had better start driving back to Berkeley before the traffic gets too heavy." Ha. My real reason for heading back early was that I didn't want to miss the next episode of Big Brother!

"Why do you even like that show?" asked Ashley.

"Because it reminds me of national politics. Like in Washington DC, everyone in the BB house is lying to everyone else and abandoning friendship, trust and morality in favor of stealth, secrecy and greed. And the players who try to act morally and/or who believe other people's lies get voted out first."

On the way back to California, we listened to an audiotape by Richard Feynman, wherein he talked about how the human race had made great progress scientifically but mentally we are still behaving like cavemen. I totally agree. According to the Seattle Times, "Scientific and technological progress continues to accelerate. IBM promises a computer at 20,000 trillion calculations per second by 2011, which is estimated to be the speed of the human brain. And nanomedicine may one day rebuild damaged cells atom by atom, using nanobots the size of blood cells. But technological progress carries its own risks. Globalization and advanced technology allow fewer people to do more damage and in less time."

What's the point of inventing all this stuff that allows us to live a better life than our fathers -- if it only means that we have more modern high-tech stuff at our disposal that allows us to act more like Genghis Khan?

Feynman also pointed out that everyone demands that scientific theories must be proved -- yet no one demands the same criteria for, say, political or religious theories. "There is an infinite amount of crazy stuff," Feynman intoned as we crossed the Sierras, "which, put another way, is that the environment is actively, intensely unscientific. There is talk of telepathy still, although it's dying out. There is faith-healing galore, all over. There is a whole religion of faith-healing. There's a miracle at Lourdes where healing goes on. Now, it might be true that astrology is right. It might be true that if you go to the dentist on the day that Mars is at right angles to Venus, that it is better than if you go on a different day. It might be true that you can be cured by the miracle of Lourdes. But if it is true, it ought to be investigated. Why? To improve it. If it is true, then maybe we can find out if the stars do influence life; that we could make the system more powerful by investigating statistically, scientifically judging the evidence objectively, more carefully."

Then our car started smoking and we stopped on Donner Summit to pour oil and water and brake fluid and steering fluid into the engine -- and to think about cannibalism and body parts and illegal organ transplant rings in Afghanistan, Israel and New Jersey.

And now I'm back home in Berkeley and trying to win the lottery so that I can go back on another road trip ASAP.

Russians, jail, conservatives & Methodists: Reno or Bust, Part 2

It's actually happening. I am actually getting to go to the 2009 Netroots Nation convention in Pittsburgh on August 14! Democracy for America, the convention's sponsor, just awarded me a partial scholarship, I can use the last of my frequent flyer miles to get there and I've been graciously offered a place to stay on my friend Heidi's organic farm. And this convention should be really interesting -- especially if irate Kos fans try to run me out of town on a rail after I complained so much about getting banned (see http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/22922 for details).

"But what does all this have to do with Reno, Russians, Methodists and jail?" you might ask. Well. Ever since I got back from Burma in January, I've been sort of afraid to travel again because of my knees -- and this trip to Reno has finally got me back out on the road. Me and Jack Kerouac. I'm just so glad to be traveling again and not just be home as usual, hiding under the bed.

In any case, as you may or may not recall, Part 1 of this Reno travelogue found me, my daughter Ashley and her boyfriend Hugo sleeping on a picnic table in the high Sierras while watching out for bears. But what happened next? Did we get eaten by bears or not? Happily, no.

The next morning I wandered over to the site's pit toilet and washing spigot to, er, brush my teeth, got into a conversation with some uber-conservative dude -- and was very surprised to find that we both totally agreed on a whole bunch of stuff.

"You notice that California is trying to balance its budget by cutting state funds to education," he said, "but I don't see them cutting anything that effects large corporations or the rich."

Not to be outdone by a mere Republican, I also threw in my two cents. "The ruling class wants to generate and encourage as much anger and conflict among the working classes as they can, turning working-class liberals and working-class conservatives against each other so that the ruling class can steal us both blind while we're stupidly distracted by trying to slit each others' throats." And the conservative actually agreed with me!

"And all the while they're busy trying to dumb all of us down," he added, "by taking away our chances for education." This was pretty heady stuff to be discussing with a conservative in front of a pit toilet. We shook hands and practically hugged. Doesn't this guy listen to wingnut talk radio? Why hasn't he been beaten into line yet by Limbaugh and Beck? Weird.

You know, us progressives are currently stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, we are extremely disappointed in Obama, feel betrayed and not wanting to defend him, not so much. But, on the other hand, he is currently under such all-out continuous total attack by radical conservative wingnuts and adulterous Repub congressmen that we are almost forced to defend Obama anyway because the alternative is just too scary. Who in their right mind would want Obama replaced by rabid and violent wingnuts who have just crawled out from under a Bush.

Then, as I sat on my picnic table and watched Ashley and Hugo go swim in the lake, four or five carloads of Russians arrived. There are a lot of Russians living in Sacramento, about 90 miles away, and they had all driven up here for the day. And here's me, out here in the middle of nowhere, with hardly anything to eat and contemplating having to eat stale marshmallows for breakfast -- but the Russians (not us) have come prepared. They've brought all kinds of bags and boxes and coolers full of food. They even brought a couple of warehouse-type dollies to move the stuff around with. They even brought lawn chairs. And a canoe! We shoulda brought lawn chairs.

And they even gots fishing poles. I was impressed.

Then we hit the road to Reno again and our GPS took us 60 miles out of the way rather than send us down three miles of new road. But that's okay. We got to see a lot of trees -- and smoke. Smoke? After we'd finally circled all the way back through Auburn to I-80 and were on a ridge overlooking our former picnic site from last night, we saw smoke. "I didn't do it!" Had I put our campfire out? Oh lord. But the smoke turned out to be from a late-model pickup truck on the freeway, totally consumed by fire.

Next we stopped in Truckee, went to the local museum and ended up in its jail. And I have the photos to prove it.

Then we had lunch at the Boomtown Denny's. I ordered the Senior Special and Ashley got bored and put ice down my shirt. Then I won ten whole dollars on the slots. Then we drove off to Reno and our GPS steered us wrong again and we ended up at a former Ramada Inn, not the one we had reservations at. "Forget about the freaking GPS. Just turn here."

At the real Ramada Inn, we arrived in time to be swarmed by a convention of approximately 500 female Methodist missionaries. Awesome. "I come from seven generations of Methodist ministers!" I bragged to everyone in the elevator, and the Methodists all looked impressed. Sort of.

"What's the focus of the conference?" I asked.

"Darfur." Good for them. And Darfur got me to thinking about death -- isn't it amazing that we ALL have to die. And I just found out that one of my friends in high school just died and I was invited to his funeral. Which got me thinking about MY funeral. Would there be enough people at my funeral to fill the Staples Center? Not. How many people can you even think of whose funeral would fill the Staples Center? Elvis. Michael Jackson. Princess Diana. That's about it.

Then I waded though all the Methodist missionaries in the Ramada and found an old-fashioned slot machine with cherries and bars and an actual handle, and spent the next hour playing ten dollars' worth of quarters while the guy next to me hit three (3) different jackpots. That's $7,500. That should have been me! And after he left, I reached over and played a quarter in his machine. Nothing. I lost.

To be continued....